A Whore's Pentecost
Epiphanies In The Age Of Commercialization

by Phil Rockstroh

March 29, 2004   


"God loves you and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about the future can hear."
—George W. Bush
"Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom: pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy."
—Ezekiel 16:49
"We are all born naked, and the rest is drag."
—Ru Paul

From within the dark matter of our dreams, we feel something is wrong... In the vast cosmology of our consciousness -- where our minds are honeycombed by multiple universes of possibilities, ideas, and imaginings -- we sense that the information we receive from the commercial media, official Washington, and the business sector is far from complete; it is only a few, glinting fragments of a subjective account, splintered from a small shard of a hasty conclusion, broken from a vast mosaic of a larger prevarication.

Even the myopic, religious zealots among us, those who yearn for the end of the world (or, in the contingency that that might fail to happen, would endeavor to murder it outright) desire that this dismal, tedious tale (told by a corporate idiot... signifying commodified nothing) might begin to reveal a new story line.

We feel free-floating dread and roiling dismay when viewing the packaged and plastic (dis)infotainment provided by cable and network news... where the subject matter is determined, neither for its veracity nor its importance to the viewer, but rather by its demographic desirability for advertisers, for the purpose of brand-washing mindless, Manchurian consumers.

We know it is a sham, that the purveyors of corporate news cannot and will not report on the machinations of their corporate masters -- because (it is not a secret that) the salaries of all concerned are paid by advertising revenue. Can you imagine an in-depth and honest investigation into the practices of those pharmaceutical companies that purchase large blocks of advertising during network and cable news broadcasts? -- An event that would be about as likely to occur as whores joining a mass movement called "The Hookers' Crusade For The Promotion of Abstinence."

Hence: we are left with a twenty-four hour "news cycle" in which the most important information is virtually excluded.

While we suffer brand-washing at the unctuous hands of the commercial media, the bland-washing we receive from the NPR, the NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, and the Washington Week in Review crowd does not provide us with a true alternative.

During these tedious Bacchanalias of bromide, where all the participants are straining to be ever so polite, one is left with the impression that if something truly astounding were to ever transpire -- like the spectacle of George W. Bush's face suddenly shedding its skin, right on camera, on national television, to reveal the countenance of a Gila Monster -- the hosts (Jim Lehrer, Gwen Ifill, and the rest of the bromide-dribbling panelists) would begin to catalog the merits of reptilian single-mindedness -- then proceed to an interview with a zoologist from a right-wing funded, zoological think tank, "The American Institute for Advanced Predatory Policy," who would assure us that: "...in an era when evil is as proliferate as flies around the stinking dumpster of the world, we are being kept safe by a lizard-faced leader who eats flies for breakfast."

Then we have: The ersatz indignation and fetishistic rage of right-wing talk show porn, the Caucasian, call-boy dominatrixes of American political discourse: "Today, we're going to spank some pasty, liberal bottoms red.... We'll tie our liberal bedfellows' hands to the bedpost and make them scream that they love it! -- because they do so get off on feeling like victims -- It make them feel so noble.... This way they can be complicit in it all and not be troubled by a moment of guilt.... Oh you naughty, naughty liberals you... You do so love to have your bum spanked by your corporate daddies, don't you?"

Amid the deluge of the brand-washing and bland-washing -- what would it take to shake the media elites from their smugness and complacency, to rouse the right-wing from their swoon of hate, and liberals from their fetish for victimhood?

What if their true God, the ruling deity of the Corporate Age -- The Patron Goddess of All Whores -- were to appear before them? -- All would bow before the meretricious glory of Commercialla, the omnipresent, all-powerful Goddess of the United States of Prostitutopia.

Though Commercialla would most likely arrive on earth to complain about being overworked... She would grouse: "The Goddess of Justice has been all but laid off... The God of Truth outsourced... But you people sure have been keeping the Gods and Goddesses of War, Death, and Chaos damn busy... You're so damn good at senseless mayhem -- there is no need for any act of divine intervention on the part of all the other Gods and Goddesses; they have nothing but eternity on their hands, but I, on the other hand of eternity, the Goddess of All Whores, you bastards have been working my once voluptuous ass to the bone.

"And what about the Gods you actually claim to still worship -- those tired, old pieces from long gone eras? When the truth is: You only seem to worship me and me alone.

"I am the only God whose devotion you pursue with any ardor -- All of your prayers are directed to me; day and night, you chant my commercial liturgies and you genuflect before my commodified glory... You are now truly made in my image: Your sorry, cut-rate asses are bought and sold everyday by the johns and pimps of corporate Prostitutopia.

"Just drop the pretense and start worshipping me outright.

"At the very least, you should give these decrepit deities that you've been hypocritically worshipping a nice retirement... present them with atomic clock pocket watches at a testimonial dinner... then they're off to a retirement community for elderly gods in a parallel universe with a nice, temperate climate -- where they will find: Senior Deity Specials at manna buffets and there will be bounteous and never-ending sources of roughage in the low hanging branches of the trees of paradise.

"But, in my opinion, these atrocious gods should not be allowed to loll about in eternally green, warm climes and die peaceful deaths like old Nazis in Paraguay.... I think they should be tried for crimes against humanity like Adolf Eichmann.

"But, of course, since you dreamed up these murderous gods -- then perhaps -- it should be you who is placed inside the glass booth and put on trial. Or if that is just a hair too Stalinist -- you should, at least, be given a legal citation -- for recklessly traveling through time and history when drunk on home-brewed stupidity.

"Contemplate this implausible plot contrivance: An evil God uses his diabolical intelligence to destroy the world by using the insatiable greed for gold and endless lust for power of his earthly minions -- but, as a means of distraction, he is able to convince them that all the torments and troubles plaguing their world are being caused by the various and sundry uses they find for their sexual organs.

"Now tell me: What kind of a gullible dimwit would believe that kind of farfetched crap -- that it's possible to destroy an entire planet with one's private parts -- that is, other than those in positions of power at the FCC?

"Furthermore: He convinces these imbeciles that he is fine with greed, that he doesn't have any complaints regarding their lust for power nor with the concomitant degradation that sort of activity engenders in the world -- plus he informs his true believers that he not only supports their wars of tribal rivalry and colonial conquest (though somehow he manages to be on both sides at once) -- and it is his divine will that these holy wars be continually waged.

"Additionally: He could care less about the vast inequities that exist between the rich and poor of the world; instead, the only thing that truly crawls up his divine ass is the craven doings of those hell-bound souls who enjoy sex for purposes other than procreation.... Like I said -- the whole thing is just too far fetched; it's totally lacking in verisimilitude.... Nobody will buy it.

"Just how far is one supposed to suspend their disbelief here: If this God you claim to believe in was indeed serious about the church being the final authority on matters of sex -- then it would follow -- that he would have created genitals so that they could be detachable -- and could be removed and kept, for safe-keeping, in the possession of the clergy -- and then -- only dispensed to married heterosexual couples for the purpose of procreation... But... come to think of it, in light of recent disclosures involving that swinging priesthood of the Catholic church, maybe, this wouldn't have been such a good idea...

"What I've always wondered about is this: Since you human beings are not endowed with removable genitalia, and, according to scripture, you are created in God's image -- then it must follow -- that God has genitalia as well.... Naturally, this is something that would be on my mind -- with me, of course, being the Goddess of All Whores.

"You see: If we are to assume that since human beings were created in the image of God -- then God must be endowed with both male and female sexual organs.... Therefore: One can conclude -- that God must be a divine hermaphrodite.... In other words, human beings, having only one set of gender-specific sex organs, are incomplete in the cosmic sense of things.... To move closer to spiritual completeness, one should attempt to become the opposite of one's given gender in order to be a closer reflection of God's image.

"In conclusion: It is self-evident that the universe is one eminence drag show -- and that -- drag queens are God's chosen people.

"Could this then mean -- that God is a drag queen? Just think about it: Look how big, glittery, and over-the-top He/She made the Universe. I mean -- all those flaming stars and flaming-out, drama-queen blackholes and all...

"The new Bible should be titled: 'Queer Eye For Straight Disciples.'

"The apostles will proclaim: 'I've seen Miz God-Thing -- and she is fabulous!'

"To you -- this is a mere flight of outrageous fantasy: -- Yet, you continue to blame all the sorrows of the world on things that do not exist -- as is the case regarding your silly fantasies about the existence of the Devil.

"It boggles the mind how you ceaselessly blame all the wrong things for your troubles. For example: This business of blaming a failing marriage on the existence of homosexuals. That excuse is beneath the level of even a stupid child who claims a dog ate their homework -- because, at least, it can be proven that dogs exist.

"Christian right-wingers could just as well be claiming that: 'Gay, devil dogs destroyed my marriage: You see it all started when Cerebus, the three-headed dog from Hell began to hump my leg, and, after that, I started cruising the park wearing a studded dog collar.'

"This is as lame, inane, and insane as George W. Bush claiming that God ordered him to invade the country of Iraq. This assertion is analogous to you claiming that you got drunk, started a brawl, and went on a looting spree -- because the Viking Gods told you it was OK -- because those bellicose Gods of Valhalla informed you that you're a Norse Warrior. Try telling that to the Judge.

"Like I said, at times, I wish there was an all-powerful deity to call you on your dangerous delusions and murderous lies.

"As for myself, Commercialla, The Patron Goddess of All Whores, I've had gallons of commercial jism ejaculated upon my bartered body -- but, at least, I know who and what I am, and I admit to it freely -- unlike my counterparts in the mass media, the church, and the government who ply their tawdry trade on the corporate streets of the United States of Prostitutopia, then hide behind masks of respectability."

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Published March 29, 2004
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