Sex, Hair, Stocks and Men
by Jan Baughman

Men have long taunted women for their vanity; though it is to attract their attention that we adorn ourselves with colors and textures and shiny objects. Yet we know that men are as vain as their opposites, they just try to conceal it. Looking at the Grecian Formula ads, one believes that this clear liquid magically restores a man's hair to its original color. In just five minutes. Imagine a commercial in which a man reaches for the "Medium Chestnut" and in a playful whim, decides to go blond! Fortunately for men, grey hair is a distinguished feature. And after all, they consider themselves lucky if they simply retain it. For those who don't there is Minoxidil, which is effective in about 40% of users. It costs about $600 per year and must be used forever (women use it too, but they don't talk about it).

Minoxidil is also used for erectile dysfunction - the other thing that men are concerned about. Imagine an erection and hair (where?) all in one tube! Approximately 30 million men suffer to some degree, and it is no coincidence that pharmaceutical companies are preparing for the slow-down of the baby boomers. Vivus Inc. recently introduced a product they call "Muse". I always think of the goddesses of mythology when I hear the word. Of course, one can muse; that is, reflect in silence on some particular subject. Impotence is certainly a subject that men prefer to keep silent about. The word "muse" comes from the Latin mussare, to mutter, be at a loss. I wonder who did Vivus's market research... By the way, the drug must be inserted into the urethra - muse over that!

A new product just came out with a bang and it's called "Viagra". The name stirs up images of the powerful rushing and thundering of the Niagara Falls, with the virility of a "v". Viagra, developed by Pfizer, is the first oral medication for E.D., which certainly adds to its allure, and it might even be useful for women. After two weeks on the market, it accounts for nearly 80% of the new prescriptions for this condition. And it doesn't come cheap at $10 a pop. The insurance companies haven't decided if they'll cover the drug at all, or they may limit the number of pills allowed per month. Did you ever doubt that the insurance companies had you by the balls?

If after trying everything, your hair and your sex life let you down, you can always rely on money as the most powerful aphrodisiac of all. Here is a free stock tip: Buy Pfizer. It has nowhere to go but up, thanks to Viagra, especially if women get their hands on it.

Published April 25, 1998
[Copyright]-[Archives]-[Main Page]