Goddamned Boring!
by Gilles d'Aymery

November 24, 1996

President Clinton is not a bore, after all. At least, according to David Brinkley who said his comments were totally uncalled for and that he was sorry he had made them (read, he was sorry the "mic" was on). Clinton was graciously amused. Both men went on with a dull interview! Then, Billy flew to Hawaii to play golf and Brinkley went into retirement.

Bob Dole told the New York Times reporter he pilloried for the last two weeks of the campaign not to believe everything he said. The character-trust man who asked the voters to believe what he said, looking forward to the future, went on to tour the TV shows and make an ad for a French airlines. Then, he departed for a deserved vacation in Florida with his trusted wife, leaving behind allegations of an extramarital affair . No more Bobby to kick around, would have quipped Nixon.

The elections gone we are left with a "vital center" and Paula Jones receiving guidance from God through Falwell, Robertson & Associates.

A "vital center"? Nothing new here--the expression comes from the title of a 1949 book by A. Schlesinger Jr. (according to the Webzine Slate)--but nothing to be looking forward to either. It's short for: A mushy marsh inhabited by a dieting Speaker and a wooing President exchanging embraces on prime time with pollsters for referees; a grey coat for a long winter of utter platitudes; a bipartisanism made of commissions and empty speeches.

Paula Jones? How much money can she squeeze out of the morality issue? Perhaps will she move to Hollywood and join Bobby Dolly for a most promising new career. Bobby, of course, will give his proceeds to the favorite charities whose names he never mentions but to the New York Times. Born-again Paula will buy herself a brand new virginity. This should compete with O.J. in the news.

Fortunately, there is still some entertainment left for the Christmas (retailing) season. Barbara Walters is going to keep us informed of Michael Jackson's and Madonna's progenies (why didn't they just do it with each other?) and Diane Sawyer will pursue her kiss and tell stories of Fergie. The CIA will investigate itself thoroughly and oh surprise will find not a trace, not a hint of drug dealing in its long history of drug dealing. The one percent of Americans owning close to half of the assets of the country will generously give tax-deductible donations to local churches for the 40% of the American population slowly drifting into poverty. The remaining 59% are happy somewhere between suburbia, their commute and the TV shows. Since no one goes hungry in America, according to Bob Dole, American Express has decided that the best way to increase its profits was to feed those who do not exist. But this won't make the news. Nor will Texaco which is out of the headlines because, as we all know, there is no racism in America. And both American Express and Texaco pay for those news anyway. They would rather have us watch Barbara and Diane.

When all is said and done you can still tune in to a football game. But please, stay away from "This Week Without David Brinkley". It's a goddamned bore!

Published November 24, 1996
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