by Gilles d'Aymery
(Swans - February 28, 2005) Let's see. We've secured Afghans' freedom to grow poppies again and their women are as free as butterflies in the morning mist... Now that everything's going according to plan in Iraq -- we've liberated the country from the bad guys, have had elections, it's now a democracy with the rule of law, protection of minorities, a free press, and a viable political opposition (all criteria Russia does not have) -- it's time to advance freedom and democracy to the needy around the world. There're quite a few candidates that require our benevolent attention.
First we have to take care of Syria. The Syrians, see, are troublemakers. They occupy Lebanon; they aid the terrorists there and help the insurgents in Iraq; they've killed our man in Beirut; they want to buy short-range surface-to-air SA-18 missiles from Russia that will destabilize the region (we told Vladimir, among a series of messages we've sent his way lately, this was not a prudent move); their leader is a dictator who's not been democratically elected; no free press, no viable political opposition and, even worse, it's the minority that governs there, so the majority is not protected. So, it's a non sequitur, really; liberation is on its way.
Second, we have to address the mullahs in Iran one way or the other. The country is governed by a bunch of Muslim fundies and god knows we do not want fundies in any government, right? They too support the terrorists and the Iraqi insurgents and foreigners (that foreign fighters are in Iraq is beyond comprehension!); they already possess chemical Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs); they are one year, three months and four days away from enriching uranium and acquiring nuclear weapons (we are as certain of this as we were with Iraq's WMDs -- we have actionable intelligence that our European friends do not...again, like with Iraq). Iran, armed with nuclear weapons, will be much more dangerous to the world and our friends in the region than Pakistan, because in Pakistan the government is democratically elected, there's a free press, a viable opposition and the like... In Iran, there's none of that. So we must act decisively lest our friends in the region take it upon themselves to act... Freedom is on its way.
Third, the hermit kingdom must become free and democratic like its southern brothers. Their leader is an unelected tyrant; there is no free press, no viable opposition and no minority to speak of to protect; and the Koreans, of the north sort, have nuclear weapons -- they said it, so we know it for a fact. For our security and that of our friends in the region, we cannot allow this situation to perdure indefinitely. So, expect democracy in North Korea soon.
Fourth, closer to home, we have to clean our backyard from potentially looming dangers to the interests of freedom and democracy. We have Venezuela on our priority list for regime change. Yes, we know that the president there was democratically elected but like in Haiti with Aristide, the man is not governing democratically, as Colin Powell once said. Let's pause for a moment to congratulate Colin for his nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize related to his efforts to end the war in the Sudan -- Colin, as his long career will attest, from Vietnam to Iraq, Panama, Afghanistan and back to Iraq (among other places), personifies peace and freedom. We are indeed gratified that the international community recognizes the extraordinary achievements of this peaceful man.
Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes, Venezuela... As said, it is not enough that a leader be democratically elected. He must also govern democratically. When we decided with our French friends -- yes they are our friends after all, and Chirac will come for a visit to the ranch soon -- that Aristide was not governing democratically, we took action. Aristide is gone and Latortue, though not democratically elected, is governing democratically. Peace and freedom reign in Haiti (another great achievement of our man of peace, Colin Powell). But there are many more reasons to act in Venezuela.
The country is no longer a democracy because there is no viable opposition. We know this because in 2002 we (Elliot Abrams, Otto Reich, John Negroponte, and the usual gang) helped Pedro Carmona to depose the dictator, but the coup failed, even though we had recognized the new Venezuelan government, which is an eminent proof that the opposition was not viable and therefore democracy did not succeed there. Moreover, the current tyrant -- his name's Chávez -- has embarked on a redistribution scheme with the profits he makes out of his oil sales to our country. Before him, these profits were deposited in Miami banks as they ought to be. Now he is diverting them toward social programs for the poor. (Let's take a moment to recognize Chávez's nomination for the Peace Prize, knowing full well the Nobel committee won't touch him...) We all know that poor people are poor because they do not work hard enough, and that welfare programs only create welfare queens. These failed policies could set a dangerous precedent or example for other Latin American nations that love freedom and democracy. Our security and that of our friends in the region cannot be threatened by this kind of almost-communistic policies.
Talking about communism, this despot has allied himself with Fidel Castro, the Cuban dictator who has sent over 15,000 doctors and teachers in Venezuela to advance the cause of communism. In exchange, Chávez supplies Cuba with cheap oil, which transgresses the laws of the market (we want the price of oil to keep rising to help exploration of new fields and to stick it to our European friends, the Nippons, and the Chinese) as those of our country (Helms-Burton's Cuban Liberty and Democratic Solidarity Act of 1996); and he wants to sell his oil to China rather than to us (even gave exploration rights to the Chinese!). This cannot, will not stand.
Furthermore, he supports the terrorists and he is buying 100,000 AK-47s (possibly up to 300,000) and myriad MIG-29 fighters and attack helicopters from Russia without our authorization (as you know, we are not too happy with Vladimir...). These conventional weapons of mass destruction are a clear danger to our security and that of our friends in the region. Our good friend, Richard Lugar, is sponsoring the Conventional Arms Threat Reduction Act (CATRA) that will give the State Department "a focused response to the threat posed by vulnerable stockpiles of conventional weapons around the world . . . . including small arms and light weapons." We cannot let our Colombian friends, who are so deprived of weapons as they fight the terrorists, be blackmailed by the Venezuelan tyrant.
Finally, he's launched an "agrarian reform." We all know what it means, don't we? He is attacking the most devout democratic right of all, property rights -- the right to lawfully own private property, as much as one can and is entitled, and do as one please with it, and pass it on to the next generation, and on, and on. Just imagine what would happen to the likes of Ted Turner if the Argentineans were to proceed alike with his 102,598.73 acres... He is specifically targeting absentee owners...and we are not talking about Israelis confiscating Palestinian houses in East Jerusalem and grabbing land in the West Bank because they are absentee-owned -- after all god gave them the land, so they are taking back what is legitimately and divinely theirs -- no, we are talking about millions and millions of acres of good arable land that were not given by god to the Venezuelans. This smacks of collectivism, as though we were still living in the 20th century... This man's not just a tyrant, he's a deranged tyrant. Communism, collectivism, social programs...these are stuff of the past. No one but a few idiots believes in those chimeras any more...and we won't let it happen. So, make no mistake about it, democracy will soon be restored in Venezuela!
Fifth, In Mexico, we are making sure that Mexico City's activist governor Andrés Manuel López Obrador won't be able to run in the 2006 presidential elections by having his fuero removed by our democratic allies. López Obrador, if elected, would turn Mexico for the worse, defend the Zapatista rebels, and take the country away from freedom and democracy. Like in 1973 Chile, we will help the Mexican people make the right decision.
Sixth, there is the Cuban gulag...no, no, not Guantánamo Bay -- there, freedom, democracy and the rule of law are religiously safeguarded by our military heroes... The entire island of Cuba -- save Gitmo -- has epitomized dictatorial, communist oppression at its worst for over 40 years -- and for forty years we have worked diligently to bring freedom to the Cuban people. Cuba deserves democracy. The Cuban people can count on us to help them achieve the generous levels of wealth, education, health care, etc. that their free neighbors in say Haiti, Honduras, Nicaragua, Mexico, etc., etc., etc. democratically enjoy under our benevolent supervision and protection. Soon, soon enough, the Cubans will shout with joy and pride, Libertad, Democracia, o Muerte!
Seventh, there are many other places that require our attention: Terrorists are roaming in the Sudan. We must complete the job begun by Colin, our man of peace. Zimbabwe also supports terrorists and Mugabe is stealing the land that generations of white owners have farmed with god's benediction. Something must be done there too. West Africa is another object of our concerns, but we have to remain particularly vigilant with, and move toward democracy in China. This will be our eighth mission, god willing...
Now, this is a complex situation. China is a friend. Her government has been helping us in the War on Terror and with the North Koreans; the Chinese people manufacture all the goodies we buy at Wal*Mart and our other temples of consumerism, at a fraction of the cost it would take to have these products made in the U.S. or even in Mexico; they help us with our budgetary travails (which will be easily solved once we have defeated terrorism and privatized Social Security) by accumulating gazillions of depreciated dollars. These are good folks. Still, their behavior looks increasingly like that of a "strategic competitor." For reasons unbeknown to us, they feel that we threatened them, that somehow we are "encircling" them from the east, west and south. They call this encircling nets. It goes without saying that our alliance with Japan, our sales of advanced weaponry to Taiwan, our willingness to establish an air base in Shadidiao, our behemoth military base on Guam, our "13 military bases in nine central Asian countries, including Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, and Tadzhikistan," our military cooperation or alliances with the Philippines, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Brunei, and Australia, and our liberation of Iraq with its permanent military bases, have absolutely nothing to do with China. It's all about the War on Terror, bien entendu. Why would they fear us, a peace-loving nation where law and order exist, as well as a free press, much respect for our minorities -- especially Muslims -- and an altogether viable opposition (the Green Party)? It's a mystery. They should know that if they've done nothing wrong they have nothing to fear from us!
Yet, out of what one can only guess is a form of advanced paranoia, they are expanding their military and we are witnessing a double-digit growth in their defense budgets. Our actionable intelligence -- the best in the world -- indicates that the Chinese navy could surpass our own fleet within 10 years three months and four days. The Europeans are ready, against our will, to renew selling them military technology. This is a legitimate concern for our national security and a potential blow to the advancement of freedom and democracy to the entire world. Here too we need to let our Chinese (and European) friends understand that resistance to the forces of good is useless. We have god on our side and a president who has been chosen both by divine providence and the mandate of the freest people on earth to bring freedom and democracy (and the "free" market) to the four corners of the world and beyond, in the heavens.
We are a peaceful nation. We were placed on earth to free the shackles of the downtrodden, to offer a message and a guideline to a better future for all beings on this earth and beyond. We are the United States of America (quite united indeed!) and we are Americans. History will never be the same when we are done with it. We'll use peaceful means to achieve our goals, and having said that, all options are on the table.
Long live the New World Order!
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