Uncle Sam, The Bullshit Virtuoso

by Philip Greenspan

June 21, 2004   


(Swans - June 21, 2004)  Uncle Sam has been spouting humanitarian bullshit from his earliest days.

Initially he tried it on the folks in the colonies to enlist them to fight the British. But he was only able to hoodwink twenty percent of them. So it became necessary to con the powerful French to join in. Great job! They booted out the king.

Sam then designed an undemocratic constitution that would insure that his elite buddies could retain their power and wealth. But to get his nephews to accept it he was forced to insert some restrictions on those powers -- provisions that were dubbed "The Bill of Rights."

What were the results? Did they get a democracy as he claimed? Not if democracy is a government of, by and for the people. Instead they were rewarded with one that was of, by and for the elite. Was freedom enjoyed by all? No. Instead it sanctioned slavery and disenfranchisement.

"The Bill of Rights" that he was compelled to add turned out to be jim-dandy bullshit declarations. He became the authority on human rights and in time as his power grew he criticized hated foreigner rulers for rights abuses.

Conquest was the road to power and riches for his buddies. All native tribes were squashed by genocidal wars and through trickery and deceit. He violated every treaty he inveighed them into. He grabbed a substantial chunk of Mexican territory in one of his many fraudulently justified wars. From the Atlantic to the Pacific he knocked off all obstructing forces.

Those with intimate dealings from his earliest days -- the indigenous inhabitants, the slaves, the indentured servants -- knew what a bastard he really was. To this day most still suffer from his past and continuing cruelties and tortures.

Early in his history he warned competitors via the Monroe Doctrine to keep away from his hemisphere. He would tame Latin America when his conquests up north were complete.

He latched on to Cuba's struggle for independence delivering the clincher to a vulnerable Spain. It led to his gaining veto rights over Cuban politics, possession of Puerto Rico and the Philippines.

The Filipinos, however, did not look kindly on Sam. So he subdued them with the same genocidal therapy that he dished out to the native tribes.

Colombia rejected Sam's terms for the rights to build a canal through their country. Guess what? He instigated an uprising that resulted in a new country, Panama. And he built and controlled the Panama Canal for years.

Over the years as Sam's reach grew so did his bullshit. A much more sophisticated brand exquisitely crafted by the advertising and public relations industries and disseminated through the hospitable resources of the media -- newspapers, magazines, books, radio, television and movies.

For those all over the world who had limited knowledge or experience he seemed a compassionate and generous benefactor. They were deceived by his expertly fashioned spiel, particularly when he came to the rescue of the Western powers in the two world wars. He claimed he was magnanimously helping the good guys in war and generously assisting the distressed with material aid.

Geographic isolation from the wartime battle zones kept him out of harms way. He timed and maneuvered his bargaining powers so skillfully that he could come to the rescue when the belligerents had exhausted their strengths and riches. Accordingly, it forced them to accept an unfair quid quo pro for his aid.

He created the United Nations with great fanfare and with promises to bring peace and justice throughout the world, but designed it so that he and his great power allies would retain control.

His Marshall Plan was another supposed beneficent undertaking. But he compelled recipients to modify their political and economic policies and to accept corporate America's products.

His most recent scams have been the IMF and World Bank anti-labor, pro-profit globalization policies.

In all cases, if any costs were entailed, his nephews and nieces at home bore the costs while his elite buddies shared the profits.

But as his activities spread farther into the world more and more people have experienced his cruelties. They were no longer taken in by his slick PR campaigns.

By May 2001 France, Austria, and Sweden beat him out for positions on the UN's Human Rights Commission -- the first time he was not a member since it was established in 1947. The squawks that arose were essentially from the administration and its friendly news media.

The calamity of 9/11 reversed the antagonisms that had developed against him. Since he couldn't change his basic character it wasn't long before he lost the public's consideration.

Millions of protesters around the world have been telling him that the smell of his bullshit has become too pungent to bear!

His dramatic performances are no longer convincing. The recent one that could be titled Torture Surprise! has failed to sway the audience. Very few believe that he was stunned and horrified when it was revealed that torture was practiced by his military interrogators.

Although his toady media failed during the many years of its existence to report it many have learned about the infamous "School of Assassins" -- an institution of higher learning at Fort Benning, Georgia, where soldiers from friendly foreign puppet governments have been trained in the critical arts of torture and assassination.

The obedient puppets that he installed over the far-flung areas that he oversees must find that school necessary. They all seem to be unable to maintain control over their unruly subjects who continually oust their leaders. The honor roll of a few who tried hard but failed include such illustrious names as Batista, Shah of Iran, Marcos, Samoza, Suharto, Baby Doc Duvalier, and Pinochet.

The lies, cover-ups, misinformation and deceit are overflowing the dam and it is in danger of rupturing. So much has transpired recently that Sam's formerly sterling reputation has been so indelibly tarnished that all the psychological gurus and all the PR geniuses cannot restore Sam's reputation.

Yes, Virginia there may be a Santa Claus after all. You see, the great con job is ended!

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America the 'beautiful' on Swans


Philip Greenspan on Swans (with bio).

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Published June 21, 2004
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