Recent News, Personalities And Definitions

by Gilles d'Aymery

May 24, 2004   


News, like a kaleidoscope, reflects a series of constantly changing patterns that both fascinate and confuse the onlooker. After a while, it all becomes dysfunctional. Attention slowly oozes away and the information disappears like a dream. So here are a few people and events that made the news in the past few weeks, with short contextual descriptions.

- Paul H. O'Neill: A sour grape, whoring his tell tale book on the TV shows. Claimed Baby Bush wanted Saddam's head on a plate since day one of his new Administration (crime of lese-majesty).

- Joseph C. Wilson and his uncovered (fully dressed) CIA operative wife, Valerie Plame: Leftist democrat, Kerry operative (possibly a Commie, if those dinosaurs still wander around) up to no good (crime of lese-majesty). Rumor: Plame is a former playmate (just to muddy the waters).

- Richard A. Clarke: Another self-serving book whore and sour grape. Dared pronounce that Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11 and al Qaeda, and that the Iraq invasion/occupation increased terrorist threats (crime of lese-majesty).

- Bob Woodward: Palatial Chien de Garde. Best-selling author. Some whores are more serviceable than others.

- 9/11 Commission: Getting to the bottom of it all...Condee took care of that one...with the help of Bob Woodward and Fallujah.

- Condoleezza Rice (Condee): Joan of Arc.

- Fallujah: City in Iraq. US Operation to pacify the natives. 600+ dead. Another great success of the civilizing forces of light, following the exercise of the First Amendment (oops, sorry, this is Iraq, no Bill of Rights there).

- Abu Ghraib: Humanitarian cast of characters and revealing S&M pictures, featuring among others, poster-gal Lynndie England ("proud to be an American"). Expect new video game just in time for the Xmas season.

- Abu Ghraib spin:

a) Donald Rumsfeld: The Man! "Feels terrible," offers the Iraqis his "deepest apology" (and a handful of greens)... Takes "full responsibility." Let's move on.

b) Pundits and other babblers: An awful, abhorrent, repulsive behavior, but thank god we are a democracy. We investigate, punish, and take corrective actions. It's only a few bad apples, not like Saddam. Let's move on.

c) Congress: Let's get to the bottom of this (like 9/11 Commission). Full investigation, full disclosure (like 9/11 Commission). When's the next recess?

d) Nicholas Berg killed and beheaded, or beheaded and killed: Demonstrates that the god-, peace-loving American people are much more civilized. We do not behead people; only sodomize them, leash them by the neck or their balls, let our dogs be playful with their naked bodies, and the like. We are civilized, indeed. In our country, we put people to death through electrocution, lethal injection, or gas chambers. See, Natives are savages, hence uncivilized. QED

- Abu Ghraib*Mart: See Phil Rockstroh and Angela Tyler-Rockstroh.

- Lynndie England: Future author. See Phil Rockstroh and Angela Tyler-Rockstroh.

- Red Cross: Un-American, leftist organization.

- Dead Iraqi Detainees (reason for): Lost consciousness.

- Najaf and Karbala: Shi'a holy shrines in Iraq; lately home of the "Army of the Mahdi" led by evil-doer Muqtada al-Sadr. Must be pacified (see Fallujah). On-going process in the names of stability and security, freedom and democracy.

- Stability and Security: Synonyms for oil.

- Freedom and Democracy: "Gifts of the Almighty to every man and woman". . . . and the unborn. A.k.a., American civilizing mission to the world, preferably where oil abounds. There can be no Freedom and Democracy without Stability and Security. Synonym for Freedom: Patriot Act.

- Oil: See Freedom and Democracy.

- Izzedin Salim (assassination of): Izze who? (Was head of the Iraqi Governing Council.) Who cares?

- Actionable Intelligence: Shoot first, ask questions next.

- Ahmad Chalabi: In one day, out the other, some $30 million later. "Paene . . . .Tu quoque, fili," GWB is reported to have said in his consecrated Texas brawl. Exit Chalabi. Brahimi is in. Next? (Latest news dispatch: Chalabi was an Iranian agent feeding disinformation to Wolfowitz and the Pentagon gang!)

- Gaza quagmire, Rafah: Our Israeli friends, in the midst of fighting terrorism, discovered evil tunnels between Egypt and the Gaza Strip. They took care of the threat. Result: Over 100 houses demolished (to fill the tunnels, one surmises) and 40+ men/women/children killed (eh, it's a disengaging war). Name of military surgical procedure: "Operation Rainbow." Tunnels found: 0.

- Palestinian Zoo: Evil animals used to smuggle weapons through evil tunnels. Action: Destroy zoo. Result: Zoo destroyed. Part of "Operation Rainbow."

- "Operation Rainbow" translated by the paper of record: "Four-day Israeli Incursion."

- 10-foot Concrete Wall: Separation fence.

- Iraqi Wedding Feast: Village of Mukaradeeb near Syrian border. American civilized wedding gift: 43 killed -- men (17), women (12), children (14). US soldiers find weapons, money, foreign passports and a satellite telephone, hence a "suspected foreign fighter safe house." (There are over 200 million guns in the U.S., plenty of money and cell phones...let's hope the military stays away from US weddings...) -- See Actionable Intelligence.

- Terrorists: Them.

- Heroes: Us (American military).

- Cult of heroism: See On Post Fascism.

Hard to keep up with it, isn't it?

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America the 'beautiful' on Swans

Iraq on Swans

Humor on Swans


Gilles d'Aymery is Swans' publisher and co-editor.

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Published May 24, 2004
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