July 31, 1996
Bob Dole secretly wants Pat Buchanan to be on the ticket. Bobby finally realized he was in total sync with the vitriolic commentator-turned-revolutionary. They both are anti-choice, against anything remotely connected to the future, in favor of a flat tax or no tax at all, prayer in school, strong defense and the like. One tends to the populist side of the party, the other to big business board rooms. Over all they share the same philosophy and the same goals. There is one catch though. Pat cannot speak at the Republican Convention. The question is not whether Pat has it right. He does. The question is how does Pat deliver the conservative message. Bobby needs a catch-all coalition. Pat tends to scare the moderate crowds. They are the two sides of the republican coin. Bobby wants Pat but the latter cannot shut up. This is the real Republican Party’s catch-22. Lots of catches here!
Do you know Liddy? Liddy is a born-again Christian with values so similar to Pat and his baby sister that their discourse is interchangeable. Again and again we hear about “values” and “morals”, about Christ in their lives, the good old repetitions of what is good and bad -- read good and evil. How things should be, not how they indeed are -- reality is a foreign notion to them. Their geography can be summed up by the “us vs. them” type of rethoric. Same constipated faces, same sexually deprived bodies; I would not be overly surprised if they used the same brand of laxative...
By the way, Liddy is also known as Elisabeth, the wife of our dandy Bobby.