Do You Know Him?
by Gilles d'Aymery

May 16, 1996

Two weeks ago, he was against increasing the minimum wage, arguing that such a measure would cost jobs, jobs, jobs to the country, in spite of all studies to the contrary.
One week ago he was in favor of repealing the 4.5 cent federal gas tax, conveniently ignoring the average 18.5 cent state tax, arguing that it would solve the gas price gouging by the naughty oil industry.
Yesterday, he devised the ultimate poison pill, offering to increase the minimum wage if the federal gas tax were repealed. Yet, he got really frustrated, poor soul, by the unruly Democrats of the "other side".
Today, he resigned from his office, effective June 11, to dedicate himself to the ultimate job of The Land, asserting that he was a simple citizen, working hard, and that with God's help, he would either be in the White House or back home.

Gosh, who could he be?

Well, let's help with this riddle. Here is what he stands for and against:

- For government (when you multiply the culprit by 50 times).
- Against Washingtonian government (which he has been part of for 36 years).

- For taxes (when they are defense-related).
- Against taxes (when they are not state-mandated).

- For life (when it does not cost anything, hence the highest rate of infant poverty in the entire industrialized world).
- Against abortion.

- For a market-based medical system (since it does not affect him one iota).
- Against a one-payer medical system (which he has profited from for his entire life).

- For the timber cutters of the old North-West groves, and the right of business to do what business does best, whatever the consequences.
- Against regulations whether for business or the environment.

- For One Nation Under God.
- Against the United Nations.

- For amending the constitution for terms limits (once he is dead or has resigned, as he just did).
- Against amending the constitution to stop flag burning.

- For gays in the military (of other countries).
- Against gays in the military (of our country).

- For a minimum age for the President.
- Against a maximum age for the President.

- For Affirmative Action (for those injured in defense of our Country).
- Against Affirmative Action (for all others).

- For a high-powered (Republican) First Lady.
- Against a high-powered (Democratic) First Lady.

- For the Communication Decency Act on the Internet.
- Against knowing anything about the Internet in the first place.

So, do you know him?

Published May 16, 1996
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